All kinds of love, life stuff, Self reflection

17 Things I’ve Learned as a Single Gal

  1. Just because you miss having a partner doesn’t mean you need one.
  2. There is so much freedom and confidence that comes with making decisions for yourself without having to think how it affects a significant other.
  3. Just because someone looks good on paper doesn’t mean he/she is your person.
  4. It can get boring. And lonely at times.
  5. You experience mixed emotions just as if you are in a relationship with someone else. The relationship you have with yourself is just as emotional, if not more.
  6. No matter how hard you try, someone’s feelings get hurt. Try not to be reckless with someone else’s heart. And forgive yourself if you do.
  7. You learn about all the things you don’t want in a relationship when observing other couples.
  8. Your goals catch fire in the best way.
  9. Being single gives you so much confidence. You question less and get really clear on who or what you want in your life.
  10. Singledom is necessary before meeting your husband/wife.
  11. Your happiness meter is solely based on you.
  12. You are forced to take a look under the hood which means you learn oh so much about your own strengths and struggles.
  13. Every single person is terrified of being vulnerable. You just have to find the right person worth opening up to.
  14. You’re not really single if you end up in situationships. You know what I’m talking about.
  15. I am still figuring out what the heck I want. And that’s okay.
  16. You can reinvent yourself every single day. There is no one checking you.
  17. Your spiritual side comes out full force. And it tells you what you have always known: the person you have been searching for is yourself.
I will tell you one thing I didn’t learn. What dating actually means. It can be very confusing this day and age. I don’t believe the hype when people say everyone is only looking to hook up though. I have met some amazing people who are interested in a genuine relationship. My advice to you is simple: Be honest. Communicate exactly what you are about. If you don’t know, learn about yourself first. No one can fault you for being true to your word.
Wanna receive weekly Fierce love letters of inspiration? Add your email here
Advertisements
Standard
All kinds of love, Self reflection

Fierce Love, Kindness and Speaking Your Truth.

IMG_4851I am an advocate of kindness. A small act of kindness can dramatically change someone’s life with a smile, a phone call, or a prayer.

I am a recovering people pleaser. I used to think I could be super nice or I could be mean. No in between. Two extremes. Life is not about extremes. It is about finding balance, at least that is what I strive for.

Through my journey of discovering how to speak MY truth while being true to myself, I’ve discovered a few things along the way and I want to share them with you.

Speaking of my journey, I am launching a podcast, Vow to be Fierce soon. It’s taking me a little longer to launch than expected but I’m not letting anything stop me. Timing is everything. I’m going to talk about standing up for yourself and speaking your truth with a splash of kindness.

Okay so, the key to authentic kindness is your intention. Doing something because you genuinely want goodness for someone else as simple as it may be will fill your life with goodness. You know the saying what you give is what you get in return? It’s true.

I choose to give off kind energy. Not because I expect it from other people in return but because I choose to give it to myself. The energy we give off bounces back to us.

What do you usually attract when you’re in a bad mood or feeling grouchy? How we respond to the world is a reflection of what we want to receive.

Being kind does not necessarily mean being nice all off the time. Sometimes, being kind to a person means giving them a lil “tough love” as some people may refer to it.

Or what I call Fierce love.

Fierce love is being honest with someone you love even when it’s uncomfortable.

Fierce love is letting someone live their life and make their own decisions and choosing to love them without limits, even if you don’t agree with them. Remember, you are solely responsible for your own thoughts and actions.

Fierce love is lifting someone up instead of telling them “the truth” to advance your own agenda.

Fierce love is knowing the difference between speaking your truth and being a jerk because you’re not feeling your best.

It’s all in your delivery. There is a loving way to speak your truth.

Agreeing with someone because you don’t want to ruffle feathers is not love. It’s fear. I learned this eventually.

Here are 3 questions to think about when you want to share your truth in a loving and authentic way:

1. Is what I am saying going to make the situation better?
2. Is what I am saying what I truly believe or is it coming from a place of fear?
3. Am I trying to hurt someone with what I am saying? If so, is that really coming from a loving place?

I hope you got something from this. As always, take what resonates with you and leave the rest or share with someone you think would benefit from learning how to speak their truth with kindness.

I’m curious to know more about you, is it easy for you to speak your truth? Share below.

Standard
All kinds of love, life stuff, Self reflection

Self worth, Attracting love, and Purpose

Full disclosure – Yes, this post is long. Aside from the fact I like to talk a lot and my mind goes off tangent at times, the things expressed here are absolutely important to think about. 🙂
love, relationships, blogging, life coach, self worth, self love, partner, dreams, ideal, purpose
I’m going to talk about a sensitive topic. It can be scary but it is absolutely important to tackle this area of ourselves before we can even begin to think about what we truly want in life…ready?

Self worth. Ooh I said it. No one likes to talk about self worth if they don’t have a lot if it and if they do, they’re afraid to come off as selfish or thinking they’re better than other people.

I am here to tell you, self worth is the most important thing you will work on in life.
How you see yourself determines the career you choose, the people you surround yourself with and the partner you attract.

Your self worth also determines how other people see you.There is a difference between caring about what others think of you and sharing your message with the world. Sharing your message, to me, is absolutely vital to living an authentic life.

“Be real” or “Just be yourself” are things you hear a lot but sometimes it’s not easy to do if you don’t know who you are. And it’s okay if you don’t.Knowing who we truly are and what we want is a process. Sometimes that process is ongoing. In fact it should be because we are constantly growing and changing as individuals.

In middle school and high school we spend so much time trying to fit in because we are never taught that our uniqueness is what makes us special. People can be very mean when it comes to anything different from their norm. That’s not okay. I am working on writing posts about honoring your worth and how you can embrace your uniqueness so stay tuned!

I tend to digress. The reason I am bringing up self worth is because it affects who we let into our lives and most importantly our hearts. Also, how we treat ourselves determines how much sh*t we take from people. Valentine’s Day just passed and that tends to bring up a lot for us. Whether we are in a relationship or not. I am a romantic 🙂 and love flowers, cards and just the expression of love, Valentine’s Day should not be the only time we reevaluate our love/heart situation.

I challenge you to think of the type of relationship you want with your ideal partner. This should be done whether you are in a relationship or not.

If you’re in a relationship, think of how you can make your current partnership better, happier- whatever that means for you.  If you’re single, this is the perfect time to make a list of things you want in a relationship that fulfills you on all levels. Try not to think of someone specific. Think of qualities you want in an ideal partner. Also, think of how you want to feel and things you want to experience -safe, passion, adventure, security, freedom, balance, support…whatever feels right to YOU.

Here are a few questions to get you going:
-How do I want to feel in a romantic relationship?
-What do I bring to the table?
-What attracts me most about another person?
-What are some things I can work on myself to be the best me in a partnership?
-What are the things I will absolutely not tolerate? (Declare your limits)
-Why do I want to be in a relationship?
-What is the purpose of a relationship?

The reason I shared this piece was to send the message: When we honor ourselves, we attract our worth. Relationships are something we all love to talk about, our struggles, our journey and our celebrations.

It is time we get clear about what we deserve and that is the best! Getting into relationships for the wrong reasons (boredom, security, low self esteem, etc.) will not lead to true happiness. We have all been there in some way or another.

All of this comes from growing up seeing unhealthy examples of what a relationship should be and so I always strive to determine love on my own terms. And that’s what you should do.
LOVE always,
Kayla

P.S.  I love to hear from you so please share any comments, questions or your own love nuggets in the comments below.
Standard
All kinds of love, life tips, Self reflection

Fierce Reads

Marilyn Monroe, Reading, Vow to be fierce, Women who read, Vintage, Create Your Best Self, Life Coach

12 Stressful things to stop tolerating now.

Have trouble falling asleep? Read this.

I consider myself a sensitive person and I am tired of hearing all of the negativity behind it. I’m owning it. Read this for a different perspective on sensitive people. You may be one as well…

When I first read the title of this article, I didn’t agree, but a good friend of mine lost her mother recently and I can understand why the author wrote this.

You are not a victim. Own your power.

I LOVE this.

Wanna be happy? Read this.

This made me laugh. What sassy people wish everyone knew…

Have a wonderful week everyone 🙂

image credit

Standard
All kinds of love, Self reflection

What is Fierce?

Fierce is…
Being afraid and doing it anyway.
Wearing that bright pink coat proudly. In the middle of winter.
Standing for something you wholeheartedly believe in.
Taking that trip you’ve been wanting to take forever.
Reading books at home on a Friday night without FOMO (fear of missing out)
Saying no when it is not appropriate.
Cooking a delicious meal and dancing by yourself in the middle of your living room.
Taking the plunge.
Knowing it is not only okay, but necessary to schedule time for yourself.
Speaking up about yourself.
Sharing your story.
Helping others when you can.
Knowing when to stop.
Doing whatever the hell you want.
Being comfortable in your own skin.
Eating chocolate chip cookies and not feel guilty about it. Oh, is that just me? 😉
Being kind to strangers when others are not.
Taking a class that interests you (with or without a friend).
Doing what it takes to make your dream a reality.
Showing up when you don’t feel like it.
Giving a damn of how people who matter feel.
Creating a product.
Knowing your time is valuable.
Contributing productively to the dialogue of racism.
Knowing the power of listening.
Taking responsibility of your actions.
Accepting that nothing is perfect and doing everything in your power to make your life worth waking up to every single day.
Not settling until your heart and intuition say it’s time.
Having faith.
Owning your emotions.
Being your true self in spite of what others expect you to be.

Living life unapologetically.

Standard
All kinds of love, Self reflection

Vow to be Fierce is a judgement free zone. =) Women should have a place to express themselves freely. One topic I would love to focus more on is healthy, romantic relationships. And so I invited one very fierce lady I know, Ms. Kaymara Gayle to write a lil something for us.

We always talk about being healthy or healthier i.e. working out and changing our eating habits. What about those of us who want to be emotionally healthy in a (romantic) relationship?

We all say we want a healthy relationship but are “you” the individual a healthy person?

We often let our excess baggage and past experiences affect our current relationship.  Say your ex cheated on you saying “Honey, I’m going out to play basketball” or “I’m going to the gym” at 11pm. Yes, there are gyms open late at night and you (kinda) trust this person until you find out he was cheating on you instead.  

You may think because he’s the one who cheated, he’s the only one with issues. You may think you’re fine. Wrong!

His actions impacted you emotionally. If you don’t deal with these feelings now, they will eventually creep into your future relationships without you realizing it.

So boom. You break up and you get yourself a new boo cause everyone says the way to get over a relationship is to get with someone new.

Your current significant other says he is going to play soccer with his boys. You give him an attitude and start an argument. He’s wondering where this is coming from since you’ve been off to a great start and he hasn’t given you any reason to question his word.

The trust issues are creeping in…

You may be sabotaging a potentially good relationship because you didn’t take time to heal.

Guess what? It’s time!

In the above situation, a healthier you should acknowledge and continue to process past hurts while remembering each situation is unique.

The lesson here is to judge each person as an individual. Don’t allow your past experiences to hinder you from moving forward with your life.

Thank you KG Hotsie Totsie as I like to call you, for your contribution! There is so much to be said about healing after a relationship.  I’ve learned the hard way, what it’s like to jump from one thing to the next without processing my feelings.  Self reflection is a big part of healing and moving forward. I look forward to hearing from you again.

Take Time to Heal

Aside
All kinds of love, Self reflection

Be Your Own Valentine

20140209-215152.jpg

How do you usually feel as February 14th approaches? Excited to celebrate another love filled day? Or anxiety because you don’t have someone to celebrate with?

Society places so much pressure on Valentine’s Day. It’s kind of ridiculous to promote spending money as a means to make ourselves and/or our partner feel loved. We have been conditioned to feel bad about ourselves come V-day. If you have a significant other, you are filled with wild expectations of what you should receive or what you should be doing to “celebrate” your love. And if you’re single on V-day, you envy “happy couples”. All in all, I still love this cheesy holiday because I need yet another excuse to drink wine and eat chocolates. Yum!

This year I say we celebrate the love we have for ourselves instead. We should celebrate ourselves everyday! I felt it was appropriate to launch Vow to be Fierce today because it is a tribute to myself.

Being Fierce means to be comfortable in your own skin and to allow good things to happen to you knowing you deserve them. To do this you must accept yourself wholeheartedly. Crazy, right? You may think, I have so many things I do not want to accept about myself and want to change. Trust me, I am a big believer that change is vital to growth. However, accepting yourself for who you are now in this moment needs to happen first. Celebrating your triumphs, personality, flaws and all. More on what being Fierce means later…

A few ways on how to be your own valentine:

-Take yourself to a spa and get a massage! I found many discounts through Amazon Local.

-Plan a whole day of things you like to do. Watch a movie you’ve been wanting to see, finish reading that book or cook a grand meal and invite a fun, positive person over.

-Make a list of things that make you fabulous. Don’t be shy, no one is watching.

-Get your closest friend and grab a drink or even go for a run together.

-Dress up in your absolute favorite outfit.

Whatever you choose to do, make sure it is something that makes YOU happy. Don’t waste time reminiscing about exes or the past. Be present. Celebrating ourselves is fundamental to living our best life!

Cheers =)

Standard