life stuff, Self reflection

31 Things I’ve Learned since turning 31

This October I turned 31. This list is just an excuse to share some of my thoughts cause that’s what I like to do 🙂 Feel free to share your own.

  1. If you don’t love yourself enough to walk away from toxicity, it will follow you like the plague. In forms of energy, people, habits, etc.
  2. Your life is a reflection of your perception of yourself.
  3. People who hurt you are hurt themselves. It’s never really about you. It is a reflection of how they feel inside.
  4. One day you will learn not to care so much about what other people say or think about you. That is the most liberating feeling.
  5. Vulnerability is a superpower. It takes more courage to express your feels than to hide.
  6. You never truly know what someone else is going through so it is important to think before you lash out. Be kind.
  7. No one is coming to rescue you. And if they do, you will never learn how to swim on your own.
  8. Life can be much more simple. If we want something different, we have to do something different. It is all energy that needs to be shifted.
  9. Looking outside of yourself for answers will always lead to more questions.
  10. Nothing goes according to how you imagine it and that’s a good thing cause you ALWAYS end up where you need to be.
  11. All fruitful relationships, including friendships require mutual energy. You need to put the work in to make it grow.
  12. Energy does not lie. Pay attention to how you feel around a person, in a place/situation. It will tell you everything you need to know.
  13. No matter how many times you replay a scenario, you don’t have a time machine. Stop wasting your time thinking about how you could have done better and focus on how you can kick ass tomorrow.
  14. Seeking help doesn’t make you weak. It means you are striving to be your best. Aint nothing wrong with that.
  15. Standing up for yourself will make you feel uncomfortable around people who don’t get it. Don’t waste time explaining. Just keep going.
  16. You have to strike the moment you have an idea. Waiting too long will lead to “never have I ever”…
  17. Everyone has a pattern. If you want to learn someone, pay attention to their patterns. And believe them when they show you.
  18. No one changes for others. True transformation clicks when the individual is exhausted from living a life that is not their own.
  19. Making peace with your broken pieces is probably the hardest and most healing things you can do.
  20. Don’t beat yourself up for having feelings. It does not mean you’re stupid or weak. Being a robot sucks. What you do with those feelings determines where you will end up next.
  21. Ignoring things will end with you on the floor half-shocked over how things exploded in front of your face.
  22. Success is defined by the individual. Do not allow others to dictate your decisions based on their own experiences.
  23. Love will enter your life at the oddest times. Love is not convenient. Be open.
  24. Forgiveness does not mean you have to open yourself up to the person to hurt you again. It means moving on.
  25. Being optimistic and hoping for the best is not naive, it’s healthy.
  26. Confidence is not the loudest person in the room. It can be glowing energy that is evident in silence.
  27. Don’t do anything because you think you should. That usually ends with starting over and doing as you wanted in the first place. No one should dictate your path.
  28. Sometimes looking to your past is not a bad thing. Be smart about it.
  29. Always remember you are worthy. Keep working on you and your growth. Never give up.
  30. Do what makes you happy. Everyone else is.
  31. Don’t allow your thoughts to overcome your actions. Thinking too much is a trap. Lead with grace. You got this.
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All kinds of love, life stuff, Self reflection

17 Things I’ve Learned as a Single Gal

  1. Just because you miss having a partner doesn’t mean you need one.
  2. There is so much freedom and confidence that comes with making decisions for yourself without having to think how it affects a significant other.
  3. Just because someone looks good on paper doesn’t mean he/she is your person.
  4. It can get boring. And lonely at times.
  5. You experience mixed emotions just as if you are in a relationship with someone else. The relationship you have with yourself is just as emotional, if not more.
  6. No matter how hard you try, someone’s feelings get hurt. Try not to be reckless with someone else’s heart. And forgive yourself if you do.
  7. You learn about all the things you don’t want in a relationship when observing other couples.
  8. Your goals catch fire in the best way.
  9. Being single gives you so much confidence. You question less and get really clear on who or what you want in your life.
  10. Singledom is necessary before meeting your husband/wife.
  11. Your happiness meter is solely based on you.
  12. You are forced to take a look under the hood which means you learn oh so much about your own strengths and struggles.
  13. Every single person is terrified of being vulnerable. You just have to find the right person worth opening up to.
  14. You’re not really single if you end up in situationships. You know what I’m talking about.
  15. I am still figuring out what the heck I want. And that’s okay.
  16. You can reinvent yourself every single day. There is no one checking you.
  17. Your spiritual side comes out full force. And it tells you what you have always known: the person you have been searching for is yourself.
I will tell you one thing I didn’t learn. What dating actually means. It can be very confusing this day and age. I don’t believe the hype when people say everyone is only looking to hook up though. I have met some amazing people who are interested in a genuine relationship. My advice to you is simple: Be honest. Communicate exactly what you are about. If you don’t know, learn about yourself first. No one can fault you for being true to your word.
Wanna receive weekly Fierce love letters of inspiration? Add your email here
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Book Club, life stuff, Self reflection

Blog Relaunch

Hey Beauties,
I know it’s been a while. I decided to relaunch the Vow to be Fierce blog and my goal is to be more consistent. Mostly, I use Instagram (@vowtobefierce) as my outlet to provide content. Honestly, because it’s convenient and I can post on the go at any time.
A lot has changed in this last year and I am shifting priorities. I want to build a more stable platform for you because you are what is important. The  reason I share pieces of me and personal development tips and tools is because I want you to succeed in life. I believe in each and every one of you whether I know you personally or not. I wholeheartedly believe we are each capable of creating a life with balance that feels right for us.
Oh, if you’re not already receiving my Fierce Love Letters, click here to receive soulful letters every week to your email. These love letters are very dear to me. It’s a chance for me to share with you in a more intimate way. These letters are meant to give you support, everyday tips and tools to living your most authentic life. You can always hit reply to the email with comments and questions.
I’ve been thinking a lot about how I can introduce personal development to people who are not really familiar with it. My idea of personal growth is really looking within ourselves and uncovering layers that no longer serve the life we want to live. We can get so caught up with going through the motions of life we forget to check in with ourselves. Sometimes we get lost in the sauce and wonder how we got ourselves there.
The key to living a happy life is self awareness and acceptance. You may be asking how the heck do I achieve that? Well, it’s less about achieving something and more about uncovering who you really are. Once you have a good sense of who you are, you start making decisions that propel your forward not hold you back.
This journey is not about your mama, your boyfriend or anyone else. This is about you. Asking yourself deep questions and taking action towards things that actually bring you joy will lead to more authenticity.
One way to increase self awareness is through reading.
Successful people have in common the passion and dedication for reading. There is no better way to soak up knowledge.
What better way to transition into September than to refocus your brain by reading books that inspire and motivate you to living a life with more purpose, growth, success and less guilt, shame, anger, distraction.
So here are the deets of The Fierce Book Club:
  • One book per month – financial, spiritual or personal development themed
  • Weekly discussions via the blog comments
  • Favorite quote highlights
  • About the Author
  • Coach questions
  • Growth strategies  – how to apply topics to your everyday life
This book club is for you if you:
– are a fierce warrior who has been through a lot and tired of operating in survival
   mode.
– are interested in learning new ways you can deal with life’s challenges and how
   to improve your relationship with yourself and loved ones.
– struggle with speaking up and/or setting boundaries with others
– feel stuck and ready for a change but don’t know what the next step is
– want to wake up feeling like you are closer to your goals than you were yesterday
– you’re interested in learning more about yourself and what makes you tick
– you have always wanted to join a book club but thought it was too nerdy or didn’t
   want to commit to a specific time frame.
Introducing our first book…
Successful People Are Full of C.R.A.P (Courage, Resilience, Authenticity, Perseverance) by Rachel Luna 
 
You can get the book here.
To stay updated on book club posts, enter your email here.
I just want to say a big thank you to those of you who have been journey with me from day one and continue to support the Vow to be Fierce movement.
Cheers to continuing to inspire and motivate each other!
xoxo
Kayla
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All kinds of love, life stuff, Self reflection

Self worth, Attracting love, and Purpose

Full disclosure – Yes, this post is long. Aside from the fact I like to talk a lot and my mind goes off tangent at times, the things expressed here are absolutely important to think about. 🙂
love, relationships, blogging, life coach, self worth, self love, partner, dreams, ideal, purpose
I’m going to talk about a sensitive topic. It can be scary but it is absolutely important to tackle this area of ourselves before we can even begin to think about what we truly want in life…ready?

Self worth. Ooh I said it. No one likes to talk about self worth if they don’t have a lot if it and if they do, they’re afraid to come off as selfish or thinking they’re better than other people.

I am here to tell you, self worth is the most important thing you will work on in life.
How you see yourself determines the career you choose, the people you surround yourself with and the partner you attract.

Your self worth also determines how other people see you.There is a difference between caring about what others think of you and sharing your message with the world. Sharing your message, to me, is absolutely vital to living an authentic life.

“Be real” or “Just be yourself” are things you hear a lot but sometimes it’s not easy to do if you don’t know who you are. And it’s okay if you don’t.Knowing who we truly are and what we want is a process. Sometimes that process is ongoing. In fact it should be because we are constantly growing and changing as individuals.

In middle school and high school we spend so much time trying to fit in because we are never taught that our uniqueness is what makes us special. People can be very mean when it comes to anything different from their norm. That’s not okay. I am working on writing posts about honoring your worth and how you can embrace your uniqueness so stay tuned!

I tend to digress. The reason I am bringing up self worth is because it affects who we let into our lives and most importantly our hearts. Also, how we treat ourselves determines how much sh*t we take from people. Valentine’s Day just passed and that tends to bring up a lot for us. Whether we are in a relationship or not. I am a romantic 🙂 and love flowers, cards and just the expression of love, Valentine’s Day should not be the only time we reevaluate our love/heart situation.

I challenge you to think of the type of relationship you want with your ideal partner. This should be done whether you are in a relationship or not.

If you’re in a relationship, think of how you can make your current partnership better, happier- whatever that means for you.  If you’re single, this is the perfect time to make a list of things you want in a relationship that fulfills you on all levels. Try not to think of someone specific. Think of qualities you want in an ideal partner. Also, think of how you want to feel and things you want to experience -safe, passion, adventure, security, freedom, balance, support…whatever feels right to YOU.

Here are a few questions to get you going:
-How do I want to feel in a romantic relationship?
-What do I bring to the table?
-What attracts me most about another person?
-What are some things I can work on myself to be the best me in a partnership?
-What are the things I will absolutely not tolerate? (Declare your limits)
-Why do I want to be in a relationship?
-What is the purpose of a relationship?

The reason I shared this piece was to send the message: When we honor ourselves, we attract our worth. Relationships are something we all love to talk about, our struggles, our journey and our celebrations.

It is time we get clear about what we deserve and that is the best! Getting into relationships for the wrong reasons (boredom, security, low self esteem, etc.) will not lead to true happiness. We have all been there in some way or another.

All of this comes from growing up seeing unhealthy examples of what a relationship should be and so I always strive to determine love on my own terms. And that’s what you should do.
LOVE always,
Kayla

P.S.  I love to hear from you so please share any comments, questions or your own love nuggets in the comments below.
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Fierce September, life stuff, Self reflection

Fierce Challenge: Create A Vision Board

vision board, creative, DIY, girls night, dreams, goals, travel, clothing, shoes, vow to be fierce

In order to accomplish your dreams, you need to visualize them and plan accordingly. Now, could plan all you want but action is the absolute most important thing needed to get things going.

Want to design your dream home, get a kick ass new job or change your state of mind? Create a vision board! It is so much easier to accomplish something that is constantly in front of us.

How many times have you written lists of things you want to do but never really get to them or forget about them completely? I’ve done this many times. We are visual creatures and having a physical representation of what we want to achieve keeps us focused on making decisions based on our goals not on our changing emotions.

vision board, setting goals, achieving goals, magazines, DIY, creative, girls night

I got together with some friends to create our very own vision boards. We whipped out some glitter, magazines and wine (of course).  The girls and I had so much fun planning and gabbing about our hopes for the future.

black cat, pepper, vision board, DIY, magazines

Pepper wants to be one of the girls. Her goal is clearly napping.

It may sound silly at first but I challenge you to think about the things you want in your life. Not necessarily materialistic, unless that’s what floats your boat. Think of the type of life you want to live and the things that are important to you. Find images and quotes that represent those values.

A vision board is a collection of images and words that represent you and your goals. You can put anything you want to achieve or attract on your board. Ever hear of the Law of Attraction? Mary Crimmins does a great job at explaining what a vision board is and how the Law of Attraction comes into play here.

vision board, travel, photos, creative, art, magazines, frames

vision board, creative, art, DIY, setting goals, travel, girls night

 

What would you put on your vision board? Share in the comments below.

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life stuff

Fierce Reads

Happy Saturday, beautiful people!

It’s finally starting to feel a bit like Spring here in NYC. I see the sunshine peeking through my window and I’m excited to submit this post of great reads so I can head on out and spend the day with my mom and grandma.

I started this feature as a way of introducing you to a bunch of positive words from outside sources. If you missed the first, you can read it here.

I hope you enjoy. Have a beautiful weekend!

How not to deal with stress/anxiety

Things we do in our 20s that may help us become better parents. Interesting article.

Spring cleaning your insides.

Craving to hide out? Read this.

Fear, Comfort zones and Sally Hope

Being a leader at work

I want to print this article and post it on my bathroom mirror.

Stop being so hard. On ourselves. On others.

Wanna change your life? You have to do the work.

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life stuff

Proposal Day!

New beginning quote

Today is the official first day of Spring. For those of us in New York, it’s hard to believe because we are expecting snow next week. Weather aside, I’m looking at Spring differently this year. There’s something in the wind whispering good things are coming. I’m excited. Also, today is Thursday. My not so secret favorite day of the week =)

Spring can mean different things to many people. For me, Spring represents new beginnings. Growth. A chance to click the refresh button. After this long winter, I need some rejuvenation in my life!

The other day I googled what March is known for just cause I like to google random stuff. By the way, March is Women’s History Month! Celebrate all the women you know! Anywho, In honor of Proposal Day (March 20), here is what I propose to you…

Take responsibility for your life by using the words “I choose”.

Yes, life throws us curve balls that sometimes make us want to pull our hair out. Sometimes we feel like crawling under a rock after a bad day.  Life is challenging and that’s a good thing. Those challenges and heart pumping decisions are what shape who we are and who we become. So yes, sucky moments are necessary.  They pave the way for those amazing, grateful to be alive days.

I choose to be present.
I choose to read magazines on my lunch break.
I choose to see the good in people.
I choose to be a morning person.
I choose to ignore my phone when I get home from work.
I choose to spend time with people who make me smile.
I choose to make decisions that benefit my life.
I choose to be kind to others.

Stating that you choose something is pretty powerful. It means you are in control of what you do, how you feel and what you can change if you are not happy.

What do you choose?

Here are a few ways you can celebrate the new season:
-Wear bright colors or patterns (even if the weather sucks)
-Buy yourself fresh flowers
-Do something NEW you haven’t done before
-Clean out your closet. You’ll be relieved once you’re done. I promise!
-Watching the sunrise is so peaceful.
-Go for a walk with someone special

photo credit

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